People, we can't let this happen...

Hello, everyone. Does my tan frighten you? Perhaps it should. What you're looking at is the tan of the future - unless America changes its ways.

When I look at a knockout babe like Dyan Cannon and I see the ravages that ozone depletion has wrought on her leathery, flaking skin, I think, "My God, what have these fools done?"

For those of my generation - for John Derek, for Bob Guccione - it may be too late. But who will speak for the Rob Lowes? For the Chad Lowes? For the Lorenzo Lamas'? Or the two Coreys? What kind of tans can they expect? Certainly not a healthy, golden tan. Not even a tawny bronze. The best they can hope for is a light cocoa.

Think about that this Christmas.